a rusted chain of sympathy...

its funny how fast things change, emotions change, everything changes.
the fear of the worst has me losing my mind a little bit and it honestly feels like a dream. i feel like im delusional or something, and it's kind of frightening.
mistakes are made and it takes time to heal things sometimes but the threat of what else could happen during that time often feels like a worse option than just healing on the spot.
i cant let this to go away.

to the critters or ghosts orr whatever that live above my roof and below the dude above me's floor..you're annoying sometimes, stop scuttling about at night.
to the homeless crackheads that holler all night on the streets..you're annoying too, stop.
bye

it's almost one am and i cant sleep which is odd because usually i fall asleep the second my head hits a pillow.
i'm so tired too. boo.
soo um, i just moved into a new place last week. a neat loft in downtown atlanta. i know i always said i had no desire to really live in atlanta/ga anymore and nothing has necessarily changed, but sometimes you fall victim to feasibilty..(sp?) and you havta take advantage of circumstances that arise in order to keep yourself sane. it's crazy though, moving out is so sososo stressful..with the bills and bills and bills..i actually have a reason to be cheap. it's been kinda tough though and i don't think i could have kept my cool if it wasnt for the gf..as it is i probably havent done that great a job at it but whatevs, itll get easier as my comfort level grows. ha im so weird.
maybe the best part of this whole thing is that i finally got to put my fancy ikea cd spinny racks together that had been sitting dormant in their boxes for a good 2 years or so. they are everything i hoped annnnd more!
i think im currently losing circulation in my hand. or maybe i have carpel tunnel or maybe im delusional. i so tired.
my book is moving along slowly.
my 07 top cd list is almost complete.
i need a big dvd rack.
im downloading new dane cook, i wonder if its funny.
im so tired.
im going to bed.
come visit me in my new home. k bye.

what's one thing that you would like to be remembered for? does the idea of not leaving behind some kind of legacy scare anyone like it scares me?

who do you think benjamin miller is?

i havent posted in almost four months.
everything changes, everything stays the same.

life kinda sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
if it's not one thing, it's another. if it's neither of those, it's something else.
i've been weighed down with thoughts lately, a lot moreso than usual, and it's been really confusing and bumming me out. i look at relationships i have with so many people around me right now, and most feel fleeting..with all that's left being memories of days gone by and how it was better, or at the very least different, back then. i've felt headed in an opposite, albeit still unknown, direction for some time and there's apparently been an unspoken yet mutual agreement that there's no real need to do anything about it.
i've yet to truly recover from the events that occured in my life almost a year ago. and while one of the best and most ballsy experiences in my life, the overall failure of things has seemingly left a bigger scar on me than i initially thought. or maybe that's just because it is approaching the year mark. the point is it's apparently left me afraid to make a new step and i feel ridiculously stuck right now. as a matter of fact, between relationships, friends, jobs, and overall outlook for the near future, i ultimately feel like a failure at life so far, which kinda seems harsh but pretty much sums things up. i don't mean this to be an oh whoa is me journal entry, but more an attempt at not keeping things so bottled up.

so i think im aiming for an april-ish move to nashville.

the day after isnt much to squawk about either

im not much of a fan of thanksgiving

#2


goldeneye

this is, without a doubt, the best FPS game ever, the best multiplayer game ever, and simply the second best game of allll time.

#3


final fantasy 10

man, i remember being so annoyed when i'd go to justin's house and he was playing this stupid game..because that meant NOTHING else had any chance of happening for hours. actually i think i was there when he bought it (or went to try to buy it?) at midnightish at walmart when it came out. i scoffed at this game for a long time..until he let me borrow it. thennn i was hooked. the story was fantastic, the graphics were nothing short of breathtaking, and it had auron in it..who was pretttttty much the shit. i played through it a few times, i bought the strat guide and played through it again..thennn the previously mentioned elise made me a snazzy collage of the rad pics from the strat guide when i was allll done playing it. ssosoosos awesome.
osososososososooooo.
and #2 & #1 coming either later tonight..or sunday. either way, everyone and their mother knows what the games are gonna be, but its ok.

#4



mario rpg

i neeever owned this game. i did, however, have it rented from kroger for no less than 2 months straight so i could beat it. i'd never played an rpg before, so it took me a little while to get used to wtf was actually going on, but man once i did, this game was sososososo awesome. until this time, i'd never put together as impressive a string of gaming hours as i did when i played this game, i would literally play this shit ALL day on the weekends..or as long as my parents would let me, as for a while the nes and snes were in their room so they could control how much we played. this agme totally doesnt get the respect amongst the public sector it deserves because not a huge slew of people actually played it, but those who did know how utterly awesome this game is/was. oh yes THEY KNOW.

and so we've made it to the top 5. predictable maybe, awesome definately.

#5



animal crossing.

O M G. what can i really say? the only reason i played this game in the first place is because my then girlfriend elise thought it looked cute. sooo i borrowed it from my friend jeff ( i STILL have his copy of it, haha) and started playing it. my god man, if you haven't put in some serious time playing this game you just won't understand the appeal. it's SOSOOSOSOSOSO much fun fishing and buying things for your house and meeting people and donating bugs to the museum and working to get an addition built onto your house and just..wow. this might be the single most FUN game i've ever played. i loved playing on holidays so i could see fireworks or get presents, i loved with the leaves changed in the fall, i loved when the snow fell, i looooove this game.

#6


super mario world

yoshiiii!!

i think i've played through this game no fewer than 20 times, the latest few being like..last year, which in and of itself qualifies this game for kick-ass status. the first time i ever played this game was when target (or was it richway at the time?) had the snes out for demo before it's actual release. i remember there always being a line of kids there to play on it, and the lucky ones would get a chance before their parents were done shopping (there was a sign limiting people to 10 minutes of play if there was a line, but who pays attention to that shit?) but i loved every second of time i got on the demo. then when i got the system that christmas, i was in video gaming heaven! ya know, it kinda must make you wonder...if i think this highly of this game, omg WHAT COULD BE AHEAD OF IT??!?!??! STAY TUNED!

#7



the legend of zelda

the original, baby! i remember buying this at american fare years and years ago..i'm not even sure why. but i did. and even at my young age, i had a ball with this game. it was such a departure from the simple, linear mario bros game..you could wander around all over and there were tons of secrets and it was just a boatload of fun. i remember always checking the codes & secrets pages of nintendo power to see if there were any hidden things i was missing. any places that could be bombed, and bushes that could be burned, etc. i cannot stress how AWESOME this game was back then. it even had a gold cartridge!

#8


donkey kong country

man this game was awesome, it was made by the people at rare..who had a knack for making great games..and it was visually wonderful. i specifically remember the water levels as being great to look at. man and the music too, wow. this game just really didnt look or 'feel' like a snes game. graphics aside, this thing was a ton of fun. getting to tag the monkies in and out, collecting bananas, getting to be a rhino and frog and ostrich and fish thing, it was all great. jason and i played this soso much. ditto for the sequels..but in this case, the original was the best. even my old galpal elise used to come over and play this allll the time a few years back. what a gammmmmme!
nintendo is really where it was at.

#9


teenage mutant ninja turtles 2 - the arcade game (nes)


maaaaan. i first played this game at the arcade that used to exist back in the day and loooved it. imagine how excited i was when they took this game (which combined 2 of my fav things ever..ninja turtles and video games) and ported it over to the nes. i got this for christmas one year, and i dont know when i stopped playing it for the first time. you could play this with 2 players, which was awesome, because it allowed for some LATE nights at my friend jay's house on sleepover weekends. after tgif went off, we played this shit ALL freakin night. (so by elementary school standards, that's prolly til like 12) and then we used to wake up early early the next morning to play more before breakfast. luckily, he was always leonardo and i was always michaelangelo, so there weren't fights over who was who like there was when my brother and i played. it'd be so much higher on my list if it didnt show it's age so much, but unlike the rest of the games in this top 10, i couldnt see myself playing this now and having fun for more than 20 minutes..but then, booooy was this game awesome

#10


ken griffey jr's winning run/ken griffey jr presents mlb

what would my top games list be without a baseball game? this is kinda a tie between the 2 snes griffey games. sure the n64 griffey games were technically better, but these were the first baseball games i REALLY got into (aside from RBI baseball for the nes)..mainly due to teh fact that it actually kept track of stats, and i remember being so excited by just the idea of it doing that. i thought about putting one of the newer ps2 baseball games here..like mvp 05 or high heat 04 ..or was it 03? either way, those were awesome..BUT at this point, most of these games are more or less the same. back then, this is was new and amaaaazing.

#11

mario 3

man, raccoon suits and froggy suits and warps and whistles and tails to fly around with..whee! i dont even know if i ever owned this game or if i just rented it 43589 million times. i had to own it right? hmm. either way, it was the shit. mario was fun when it came out for what it was..mario 2 was kinda weird and not AS fun, but mario 3. good golly. i remember getting the nintendo power where they first talked about/reviewed this game, and it was really exciting. a pretty big leap for the mario series at the time, and a great game to wrap up the mario series for the nes. the fun levels have stood the test of time too, as i bought this when it came out for game boy advance a few years ago and enjoyed the hell out of it again.
plus, any game that's debuted in a movie starring fred savage and christain slater has to kick ass right? yep.